I’m not sure what is going on with me lately. I should be super happy. I have moved into a beautiful house, I’m planning to marry a really wonderful man, I’m almost finished with school, my son is doing very well. Yet, I just feel this emptiness. Like I am going through the motions, but, still disconnected from everything. It’s not the first time I have felt this way….and it makes me wonder…..was my first marriage as bad as I think it was? Or was it just me being dissatisfied? I’m tired of trying to convince myself and everyone else that everything is so wonderful….even though it should be, I have everything a girl could want….. so why isn’t it? I just don’t seem to be able to quite achieve that contentment that I seek so desperately. I have had moments of it….but, I want a lifetime of it. I don’t expect perfect, I don’t expect every day to be a happy one, but, is it unreasonable to expect a little peace and lasting joy. I know that nothing external will ever lead to it, not a house, not money, and not another person…. I know it has to come from within. I just wish I could find it…. and hold onto it for more than a moment.